The alarm clock by my bed shrilly informs me it is 9 o'clock. Still half asleep I punch its buttons and set it forward by 20 minutes. I roll over on my side again. This process repeats itself two more times before I finally feel ready enough to get up and face the world. It is not a weekend. It's just a Tuesday morning and yet I don't get up before 10 o'clock. This is starting to become routine. What is wrong with me?Ever since I stopped having lectures I have slipped into this disturbing nocturnal rhythm. I sit at the computer or read my book until deep into the night. My flatmates have been asleep for hours. Only my light is still shining out into the hall through the cracks above and beneath the door. I am leading the life of the unattached and unemployed. I stay up late and get up only when the working masses are already on their morning coffee break. I feel guilty, feel unproductive.
My thesis is not moving along very fast. I mostly sit at the computer and gloss over the countless articles but without mentally processing much of what I read. I allow myself to be distracted by anything. I check my email every 5 minutes. A pointless effort since if I really do have new messages they will announce themselves both visibly and audibly. Every unknown word I come across in my papers can send me on an hours long quest over the internet. I can not find the inspiration. All I have are chapter headings. Is there such a thing as scientists block?
5 comments:
You need a break! Go away for a few days, do something completely different to forget all about writing, science and studies...
That's just it: I feel like I am on a break already! But I shouldn't be since that thesis deadline is creeping up on me. I have a weekend in Sweden coming up soon though and there might be some more interesting travelling in the near future... :-)
It's thesis writing limbo - I remember it well from my (recent) MA days. The miserable experience of having all the time in the world to finally work on a project you designed for yourself and not having the energy to life a pencil! Stay in touch with fellow students, motivate each other, challenge each other. I ended up in a x-words a day deal with a friend and it helped enormously.
I'm in exactly the same position.....
Love
Katie
Zo heb ik dus ongeveer mijn hele laatste jaar op de UvA geleefd. Niet gemotiveerd om te werken, maar tegelijkertijd beschaamd dat ik niks deed. En ook al doe je voor je gevoel niet veel, het schaamtegevoel en de realisatie dat er nog werk ligt dat af moet zorgen ervoor dat je ook niet echt ontspant.
Mijn ervaring is dat als je hier niets aan doet je in deze toestand blijft hangen. Doe wat Jocelyne zegt, maar zorg er dan wel voor dat je echt niet aan je werk gaat lopen denken of jezelf gaat verwijten dat je eigenlijk iets nuttigs had moeten doen in die tijd. Als je niet echt even ontspant heeft het geen zin.
En zoek dan een manier om jezelf te motiveren. Vast een tip; jezelf 's avonds voornemen dat je morgen écht hard gaat werken heeft geen zin zolang je jezelf er niet van kan overtuigen dat morgen op een of andere manier anders is dan vandaag.
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